okay I have this idea forming, I mean Sister acted like she wasn't alone in that last episode of the new season right?
well it gives me a idea that she is with maybe a whole new team
that comes in the colors Goldenrod, Chartreuse, Cream and Peach.
and Sister makes Yellow and well I'm thinking about writing a short fan fic of it
though I'm not sure if I will make it with more chapters or not because well at times I can get new ideas for other stories and well I wont be able to get to it right away at times.......
maybe I can like try, even if my feelings are well not really all that great in my writing.
I mean to tell you the truth I been kind of not feeling all that great about my own self
I mean I will keep trying but at times I feel it is useless because I feel that I will never match up to most who are way better than me.......
that and plus I think my writing has been lacking as well
it might have to do with idea problems that don't come as great or fully as they use to
it might have to do with a few things like what I went through a few years ago
and at that time it caused me to feel well really down
and it wasn't until some time later I figured out I was being depressed
and plus well about a year ago, I was feeling much better and still am but......
I can't help but feel I been closing myself off half the time because of what one person did
even if it was a misunderstanding and everything worked out after we made up but I'm mad at them still for not telling me what they got upset on me about.
which I started to believe it is because they thought I was talking about blocking them but I was talking about someone else.
this well it was in another place, not here for your info.......I even yelled well 'typed yelled' all mad at them because what they were putting me through
and they made me a mess, they hurt my feelings really badly
I mean I still reply to some of my comments over there and even do some awesome RPing that is mostly Red vs Blue RPG with one of my good friends over there...........but when I'm not doing that or drawing or writing or playing a video game or replying to anything on here
or commenting once in a while on a episode
to which the new season of red vs blue is awesome
and I love calling the new guy The Unicorn Man
and after some days later after calling him that, and watching the episode again someone else seem to say it, they must of saw the comment I left before about him.
but anyway that isn't the point, even if I do have my good days and can be silly and weird which is kind of the normal me.
but because of all I been through before I become well kind of broken.
the parts of myself that wasn't all the way broken was the parts that they well the person who hurt my feelings because of what I believe to be a misunderstanding
was well broken even more with the other pieces of myself, and now they are just around me
like I'm still me and yet..........well the point is well, when I'm not doing all the things I love to do
I'm taking time to myself,
even after I started to feel like all better and feeling all good again
they had to do that, I mean even if I was having a upset mood before it happen because no one seems to listen to me at times and see from what I see and my worries
and well it is normal to feel that way at times but, well the next day it only caused it to well.........
them blocking me kind of did something to me, it is like they broke my own trust
and cause even more parts of myself to break
think of it as like a A.I.
after it could get some parts of it's self damaged it can recover it's data over time
but if something were to happen to it before it can fully heal
then there will start to break even more the part that hasn't been broken
and it might or might not get better over time,
even if we had made up and they no longer blocked me
and even if we had made up, what has been done has been done.......
I was in a very bad place before. because of what happen I wrote a type of song that shows my feelings.............
and well it might not be all that great but it showed how I was feeling
they made me feel bad and well we haven't talked since than, I mean I will comment on the work they do.........like last time but............I'm not going to reply back to them if they happen to reply back to my comment on how I like the work they put into what they made..........
plus at times talking well more like typing about or thinking about what happen will cause me to cry, like what was happening right now as I was typing and talking about myself being well you know.........and talking about that past with a...........some what friend..........I was crying.
I stop now of course, it only happens at times I think..............when I think about it, there will be times but not all the time I think, I will cry.
even if I have some parts of me that are broken
I'm still me and well that could mean the more strong of myself isn't broken yet
and well only small pieces of it..........
and anyway back to talking about well the idea I have for a fan fic about Sister
it might take some time and well maybe I should just make it one chapter in case it doesn't really work out all that great or if I can't think of anything else to write.
sorry I started to talk about well all that mess.
I wonder if even if I have little like very small talent with ideas that are only liked by some people both good ones and really good friends.
that I could make a type of script for a future episode red vs blue, well not the season of now but maybe in the future.........even if I had wrote that type of fan song before that well has to do with Tucker I'm not sure if it is well............anyway I think I'm just going to go and get some ice cream
and maybe like watch the red vs blue's new season again
I know I seen the episodes over and over a few times, but I can't help but fall in love with the new characters.........anyway see ya later and hope you don't mind that I talk about my feelings about well all that...........like feeling the same and being the same and yet not being the same because of well you know..........not sure if anyone will understand or get the meaning but that is okay.
and well see ya later.
PS, even if I had talked about well broken parts over at the place I go to as well and well I'm not sure if anyone notice the slight change
I think I want to keep it that way, I mean there is even another place I go to that I haven't been doing much of other than updating and I had read a new update to someone else's work and commented but that's been some days........
well when I can I will get back to fully to all that I love when I can.
just need time.