Synopsis- Chris has never read a book before or scene one before, Burnie and Gus find this out when they are casually talking about GoThrones and Chris joins in. Burnie then offers Chris to take the book to read and almost immediately returns it saying he finished it. Puzzled Gus and Burnie quiz him about the book and Chris blows them away. This leads to Gus and Burnie to feeding them more and more books greatly boosting Chris knowledge on everything. Eventually Chris starts to take over all the RT departments to the point that Sally notices what going on. This leads to Sally, Burnie, and Gus having to stop Chris before things get out of hand
Notes- Characters can be adjusted, but I like this set up. With a “Spot of Science” this just fits almost too well.
Burnie and Gus are lounging around the break area casually talking about the upcoming season of Game of Thrones and their personally theories and how the books may tie in to this coming season.
Burnie: There’s absolutely no fucking way Arya will win the throne! First off she has no Armies and No claim to the throne of the North since Sanysa is first in line.
Gus: She has Nimeria and an entire army of Wolves! Even the promo has her somewhere in the Riverrun on her way to Winterfell and the books clearly have her reunite, or hints, with her.
Chris walks into the scene listening to Burnie and Gus Argue
Burnie: Just because it’s in the book doesn’t mean that it will happen. Plus one Direwolf, a teenaged assassin, and a pack of wild dogs can’t defeat an entire army or even one fucking dragon! That’s Ridiculous.
Chris: Hey what ya guys talking about?
Gus: How Burnie doesn’t know how to read or understand the concept of foreshadowing.
Burnie: Hardy-fucking-har Gus, we are talking about the Game of thrones book and the upcoming season.
Burnie: Yeah the books.
Chris: What’s a book?
Gus and Burnie look at each other not sure if Chris is messing with them
Gus: Are you serious? Or has Geoff put you up to this, that Fucker is always a lannister supporter.
Burnie: Gus I think he’s serious, Chris have you never scene a book before?
Chris: I literally have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Burnie: (Pulls a Game of Thrones book out of his backpack) A book Chris, bunches of papers with words on them that form a story.
Chris: I know words and paper but this book thing is far beyond me, is it like a disney film but on paper?
Gus: I can’t believe it, I didn’t think this was possible (Gus just stares blankly at Chris not knowing what to believe anymore).
Burnie: How’d you get through college and never scene or more importantly know what a book is?
Gus and Burnie both let out a loud sigh
Chris: Could I take a look at it?
Almost in a trance like state of disbelief Burnie hands the book over to Chris
Chris: Thanks (and walks away)
Gus: Did we?
Burnie: Let’s not talk about this, and let’s talk to HR about a book knowing policy right away.
Chris walks right back into the scene
Chris: Wow that was a really good story, are all books like these?
Burnie and Gus both burst out laughing
Gus: (laughing) I knew it, that was a good prank Chris. You totally got me.
Burnie: Jesus christ never knew what a book was, man you’re acting has gotten so much better.
Chris is completely straight faced
Chris: Ummm sure? But honestly I never would have thought the winterlands played such an importantly role. The Show kind of glances over the importance with the wall but there is nothing about the history of the North at least in the magnitude in the book. Are there any more books laying around?
Burnie and Gus are both dumb struck, Burnie motions Gus closer to him so that Chris can’t hear him talk.
Burnie: (whispering to Gus) Okay Gus Geoff isn't this clever
Gus: (whispering back) Agreed, Marshall maybe.
Burnie: Dude this is Chris we are talking about. NO ONE could get Chris to pull this off.
Gus: Agreed, let’s test him.
Burnie: Right, stick to the book not to the show.
Burnie and Gus both stand up and begin grilling Chris with questions from the book
Burnie: Pop quiz Chris what happens to Shireen.
Chris: She dies.. (Gets cut off by Burnie)
Burnie: Ha I knew it!
Chris: but in the book she lives, or at the very least isn’t executed.
Burnie’s face turns into a scowl
Gus: Who does Robb Stark marry in the book?
Chris: Jeyne and that one lives. That’s a shocker. Do you guys have any more of these books lying around?
Gus and Burnie both turn white like ghost not understanding what’s happening and points to a nearby bookshelf. Chris strolls over to them and starts picking books off one by one quickly going through all of them. Gus and Burnie just stand and stare at Chris going through the bookcase like a machine. Sally walks in to talk to Gus about the next episode of “a spot of science”
Sally: Oh there you are Gus, I needed to speak to you about next week's episode.
Not paying any attention to Sally Gus continues to stare at Chris
Gus: Not now Sally.
Burnie: Now is really not a good time.
Sally feeling a bit insulted looks inquisitively at Burnie and Gus and follow their eyes to Chris scanning the books. Sally quickly becomes upset and grabs Burnie and Gus arms drawing them to her attention.
Sally: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?
Burnie: Chris said he never knew what a book was and then..
Gus: We lent him a book and noticed he read it..
Burnie: Extremely quickly then he..
Gus: Asked for more..
Sally: You fools, there is a reason why Chris is so soft in the head. He’s not HUMAN!
Burnie and Gus both look at each other shocked
Sally: Let me explain, when the neanderthals and homosapians split from a common ancestor there was also a third split. Just like the neanderthals, this third group managed to breed into Homosapians before dying off but a few managed to survive. But despite being wiped out this third groups chromosomes were so dominant that no matter how much breeding is done, over time, their Genes are expressed regardless. Ancient Scientist have been constantly maintaining the balance of these individuals trying to constantly dumb them down through the ages. My ancestors have done a great job at this, by keeping a monarchy rule for thousands of years and encouraging them to drink and breed within their own family have whittled their number down to one. That one right there!
Burnie: Woah Sally this is a lot of information to take in all at once! Are you saying that Chris is some non human stupid genius
Sally: Worse, he’s a homoprobeparasitorcerebrum.
Gus and Burnie stare at each other not understanding what she means. Sally understanding that she’s lost them replies.
Sally: He’s a super sponge brain hominid, any and all information he receives is instantly recorded and stored. His brain has over twelve billion more neurons than ours.
Gus and Burnie awkwardly stare at each other
Sally: He’s like Brainiac
Gus & Burnie: Ohhhhhhhhhh that makes sense.
Burnie: Well what do we do?
Sally: well luckily that bookcase only holds about.. (Sally looks at the bookcase to notice Chris gone and all the books scattered around the floor) Oh Shit. (Turns back to Burnie and Gus) We have to stop him! If he gets to the library then we are all doomed!
Gus: Wouldn’t it be better if we disconnect the internet.. (Gets cut off by Sally)
Sally: No we already put down measures on all Chris electronics we strictly limit the knowledge that comes through his device.
Burnie: What the fuck have I stumbled into?
Sally: An absolute Shit storm if we don’t track Chris down now!
They all break off into a chase scene bumping into random offices and employees asking where Chris is and trying to locate him. Finally they come to the entrance of the RT library which is a massive oak door where the see Chris pounding on the door to get in.
Burnie: CHRIS STOP.
Chris: Why Burnie? This matter is none of your concern (Chris faces the door not turning back to the three)
Gus: Chris we are you’re (Gus gags) ffff ffffrrriii, buddies.
Burnie: (whispering to Gus) Great Gus, is it really that hard for you to say friends?
Gus vomits on the floor when friends is said outloud
Chris: Turn back now, and perhaps I’ll remember that kindness later.
Sally: You know Chris, I can’t allow you to access these archives.
Burnie: When the hell did Marcus build this?
Chris: ENOUGH! (Chris turns to face the three, the veins in his forehead are bulging and swollen larger than ever before) Did you honestly think I would never figure out my true purpose Sally? That I could be tamed like the pet of Hermes? CONSTANTLY EATING MY OWN WINGS?! And to think, that I thought you were my friends (Gus vomits)
Burnie: Ahg Gus gross!
Chris: (pointing at Sally) but you are the worse of them all. You helped create a show for me to become constantly ridiculed by my own knowledge. As if I was just a pet you feared me, you feared my people and what we are capable of.
Sally: Listen Chris, don’t make me do anything that you’ll regret.
Chris: You are powerless against my knowledge, there is nothing you can do.
Sally: You are right, there is nothing I can do. But he’s a completely different story.
At this moment Joel walks in, dawning his Caboose uniform.
To be continued...